I wish for the day it sustains its entity entirely. It is always indentured and has no sustainability. I have traveled from house to home. I have grown mentally yet I am still not strong. I have yet to find a residence where my feelings feel free to condone. What I once thought were emotions that I had longed for, happened to be something that I shall not experince at all. I fear of returning to a place of verbal miscommunication. I fear the hostility at home that lies waiting. I feel helpless. In the instance of conflict I seem to be senseless. I have tried to escape from this place, I once called home, yet it it'self carried a pesimistic weight. The door is concealed with choice of entry. The passage a place that condemns me. The rooms are illusions wrapped within a fasad covered upon with lies. I am experinced yet am not suited for family ties. every relationship is deceiving. Every interaction is a metaphoric anemic. My expectations are completely timid. I continue to reach the outburst of my traumatic limit. I am now misunderstood in tense. Should it be prnounced as my mother, my father or does it result in one individual having to endure the act of repent. This experience has consumed me for a decade. It's objective is clear. It generates from emotional dividends and storage of fear. It takes me as it's pathological need of closure. It's source of exposure. It's expiration is unwary and I do not want it to be in the state that is provoked. I desire release. Seeing another day is considered a breathe of relief. I am still in the pursuit of happiness. Epiphanies, illusions and madness. Give me secreted withdrawl that is not by choice. I continue as a depressed adolescent child. I am a silent victim with a disfigured smile. I am an unhappy child. I seek my longed for self reightous pride. I can no longer cry. Is this what I currently see to be my life. I contain no more remarks or replies. I can no longer defend myself as I am torn to a speck of impractical paint dye. I ask why. Yet it seems unreasonable since I fail comply. With their fascist demands that leave in fear to confide within someone else. They are dehumanizing my mental health. Please help. Am I soft, surely not. I am just a lost cause. Not even a clause could simplify the stature of pain. The trauma that I have sustained. The inconsolable state of mind. The child that continues to die inside. Parental Advisory has reached it's inevitable end. Till the next forseen mistake. I bid you all farewell. -Chungwa Tshomela