It all makes me sick, my heart beats in my throat I can’t put it off, it thickens the air like smoke I take deep breaths but all I do is shake My mind is a mess, I can’t think straight The waiting, the anticipation; I see them at every turn I stop to hold back the vomit and I listen to my stomach churn My every source of joy is plagued by the panic My mind knows no rest, it’s loud and manic I’m overwhelmed, I’m spiraling, I need to shut it out! I’m scared of what I might do if I can’t figure this out I don’t wanna eat, I can’t even sleep My waking thoughts are dragging me to the deep I wanna scream, I need to shout Something or anything, just get it all out! I can’t even confide, they wouldn’t understand I’m left confined so they needn’t comprehend My feelings are hurting me My mind is loud I don’t know where from here, But it’s no where near sound - Olwethu Mzileni